Discovering Shelley

Bat Boy, the Musical
Photo by David E. Hunt, property of University of Mary Washington, Department of Theatre & Dance

My Final Analysis and Reflection of my work on Bat Boy

Well, it’s all over…

Bat Boy is dead, in more ways than one.

It was an exciting process. It wasn’t easy, but it was fun. It was really really fun and that’s one of the most important things for me. I also think I learned a lot.

I remember sitting there in the first rehearsals…singing through the first few songs, and later singing through the entire score wondering what it would all look like in performance, how would the clothing feel on my body, the words feel coming out of my mouth, what would we sound like after weeks of rehearsals…none of which I feel like I can really describe in words.

I think this is the best role I’ve ever played. That’s certainly a thrill. I can only hope every role I play after this I’ll feel the same way…though I doubt that’s true. I really identified with Shelley, even before I did any of my research or really started working with the text. I was once a 16 year old girl too…and so much of her was already in me. I just had to figure out how to tap into it.

Sometimes I think I may have been a little too whiney or played pathos a bit. I did my best to avoid attitude. It’s an easy thing to slip into when being a teenager, but I think I did a good job of making stronger choices, more interesting choices.

There are scenes I still wish we had had more time with. I especially had difficult in the scene where I asked my mom when they were going to let Edgar out of the house and then stormed up to my room. It was strange because it usually felt right in rehearsals, but there was something about it that didn’t feel right in performances.

Ah well…

I hope the audience liked Shelley. It would be a tragedy if they thought that I was just annoying and Bat Boy should ditch me, but I think our relationship was sweet. Innocent. It reminds me a lot of my first boyfriend. It’s that butterfly “I’m so obsessed with you. I just want to be with you always and forever” feeling. I think we’ve all been there before.

It was tough sometimes to be the, shall I say…more serious character. I had a few funny moments, but overall, Shelley is going through this vast character arc that changes her from this naive little girl to a woman–to someone who has experienced the heartache of losing the people she loves.

There were nights during performances that were definitely more difficult than others. Nights where I had to constantly force myself to listen to what everyone else was saying, nights where I was tired and part of me wanted to “phone it in”. But really, it was just so fun to perform. Often times when in performances for a show here I’ve questioned whether I could do a performance hundreds of times and still find it exciting and fresh, but with this show it wasn’t so hard. I would love to perform this show everyday for a year.

It’s one of those plays where you never really know what the audience is going to do. You get laughs in different places all the time and your relationships with the other people on the stage can change and grow.

It was a interesting and crazy world to be a part of, both on and off the stage.

I think it was a difficult play to do and I think everyone really pulled together. The cast learned a lot from one another.

If I could go back in time there isn’t much I would change about my process. I probably would have sat down with Gregg at some point and actually talked about my Character ARC and I wish I had written more here. It was such an amazing experience to actually full out do all the work for once. I mean, in the past I’ve written Character Vitas and done some research for my roles, but certainly not to the extent that I did to play Shelley. It’s clear to me that it paid off too. I wish I had had more time to spend with the script, with research…it would have been nice to not have to stress about classes and school along with trying to build this real person and become part of this other world, but I think the work I did paid off.

I’m proud of my work. I feel a little awkward proclaiming to the world that I think I did a good job. I’ve been going back and forth with deciding whether acting was something I wanted to pursue in my life, but this process really made me realize that I have to give it a shot. I loved it, and I think, for the most part, Shelley was believable and real. Sometimes there were moments that probably weren’t as truthful as others, but I’m going to get better and more honest as I continue to perform.

For now, all I have to say is…

KNOW YOUR BAT BOY. LOVE YOUR BAT BOY.

I am feeling like a complete failure as I haven’t written any more posts about performances or reflections on the experience as a whole, but I really feel like I’m just finally catching my breathe from it all. Everything was so busy and exciting. It’s difficult to reflect when you’re constantly doing… so this next week I’m going to add all the rest of the research that I did to the website. I have a lot more photos to upload and a bunch of random stuff to add so if anyone is reading this, that’ll all be coming in the next week or so.

Wow. Tonight is opening. All those weeks of preparation and it’s finally here. Tech’s were pretty AWFUL. I’m not going to lie about it…I have a lot to say about them, but I’ll save it for a later date. On a positive note, I feel good about opening. I think we have a really really great show. I’m very proud of the actors, I think we’ve pulled together and made so much progress under some difficult circumstances. When I think about how much we have all learned about our characters, their lives, where they’re coming from… It’s pretty amazing.

  

And the buzz about the show on campus has been awesome. I just hope people keep talking about it and as students come to the show tonight and hopefully **fingers crossed** they love it they’ll encourage more people to come.

  

Every show feeds off the energy of an audience, but I feel like this play in particular can have an interesting relationship with the audience. It has the potential to move an audience member between extremes of tears and laughter very quickly.

  

We’re ready for an audience. It’s going to be so fun to have people sitting in the seats, to hear their laughter and see how they affect the overall mood of the play. I really love rehearsals, but putting a show into performance mode changes so much…when you finally have all the pieces together—the lights, sound, special effects, props, etc., that’s when I find I can make so many new discoveries about the world of the play.

  I’m ready. Shelley’s ready. Break a leg everyone!

 Oh, and I can’t forget to mention that Brian Flemming (for those of you who don’t know, he’s one of the playwrights) made a trackback to our blogs on his! How cool is that?! The internet makes this all such a small world.

I am feeling majorly stressed out right now. Last night we had a run through and it did NOT go well. I felt awful about it, especially the first act. It just seemed like a big mess. So many of the moments that we had spent so much time in were just lost. I felt like everyone was just going through the motions, “phoning in”, and rushing through things. I’m not excluding myself from this either.

One note I got last night scared me a bit too and it got me thinking more…and thinking is always good. Gregg and I haven’t really talked about the huge transformation that I go through in the play, but it is this vast character arc. I change so much, but the thing is.. I have to be really careful about my opening choices. I can’t be too too whiney and annoying because they’re just not going to like me. I need to make sure that I’m more sweet and silly rather than selfish and bitchy. There are certainly elements of all of these things in Shelley, but I need to show my softer side in the beginning too, especially in my scene with Rick where he starts to really freak out on Bat Boy. Playing anger or bitchiness is always the easiest choice and I need to be sure I stear clear of that more often.

Gregg also gave me the note that I can’t just stand there in the scene when Rick starts freaking out on Bat Boy. I need to do something. I have to move with purpose and what I’m saying i.e. the “Rick!” “Stop it!” “mom!” ’s etc. can’t just be me yelling. I need to do something else with it. I’m not sure what yet…. I just want to get on the stage and try some things. I certainly can try to hold Rick back, to grab him, I can try to calm down Bat Boy, and I can react without plain loud fear and anger, but try pleading and begging Rick…and I think there’s certainly that aspect of fear that might almost cause me to whimper a bit.

I also need to think about where my change comes in involving that song and how I tell my mom that Bat Boy is ugly and everything, but then I DO want it to eat something. I do make fun of him with Rick, but then when Rick starts be really cruel to it…I worry about Bat Boy. I think it has to do partly with that aspect of being a teenager and constantly wanting to be cool and impress people, but then really having good feelings towards people underneath.

I am all over the place about where we are in the process right now.

First of all, I’m scared. I don’t know that we’re where we should be in the process right now. It’s just such a complex play with so many props, tons of blood, costume changes, songs, among a zillion other things and there are just so many different things we’ve been focusing on that I don’t feel like we’ve really done much character work IN rehearsal.

On the  other hand, I’m so excited because we’re finally starting to do that work…starting to work the details. Gregg says details are his favorite part. They’re definitely one of my favorite parts of acting too. It’s the work we do with Gregg that gets me excited to perform. It’s never easy work and I love the challenge. It’s the part of acting that seperates the amateurs from the more experienced actors… where you really have to think. It’s all those questions that we began to discuss early in the process, but haven’t had the chance to develop much further. Basic questions like “where are you coming from?” and “why are you talking to her?” to much more complex questions like “what is your reaction to him saying this?”, “how does this change your world?” and “what do you want right at this moment?” There are so many questions. I have so many questions for myself right now.

I continually catch myself wondering in scenes, “OK, how does this make me feel? What does this change? And what’s the strongest and most interesting choice?” Usually the most interesting choice is the harder choice, the choice less often taken.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what my reaction is once I find out Bat Boy is my brother. As I said in an earlier post, obviously I’m totally shocked. It’s like a slap in the face, but how does it change the way I act towards him? I still love him. I don’t think you can just stop loving someone like that, especially after Bat Boy has so totally changed who I am and I’ve lost my virginity to him. I don’t think I would still be with him physically, but I want more than anything for him to be in my life. I still love him and it’s a confusing kind of love. I know I can’t love him romantically anymore, but I also can’t help but have those feelings, whether he may be my brother or not. And it makes me feel sick and dirty. I don’t want people to know what’s happened between us. I know they will never take me as the same person anymore and to an extent…that’s OK because I’m not the same, but I don’t want to be shunned forever. Edgar is my first love. Nothing can change that, even when I find out that he’s my brother.

What a messed up play.  Oh incest..